Yesterday’s sun break was badly needed in these parts. You know it’s dire when the big city of Portland pays attention to our little piece of paradise—lately, the movement of our waterlogged hillsides has been making the news and not without reason. Parts of Bond Street have been enveloped in a torrent of mud and broken trees and seem to be developing quite the penchant for travel. The sunlight yesterday was only a tease, though. Today, the gray has returned.
For me, the incessant rain has been a metaphor for life lately. Gray and dreary and not exactly inspiring. As you might have noticed by the lack of words on this blog, I’ve been finding it hard to write. This has to do, mostly, with an ongoing struggle with my eyes. Due to the debacle with my medication, I have found myself dealing with the residuals—which includes fighting an infection in my eyes. My immune system is compromised (that sounds so trashy, oh that it was!) and I don’t win arguments with infection like most of you do. To complicate matters in the pain department, the infection involved my lid and cornea.
Two weeks ago I woke up to such pain I sat on the couch and simply cried. There didn’t seem to be much else I could do. Of course, there was: leave it to IZ to make the phone calls when I come apart. He whisked me off to see a doctor and in the process I found myself peering at bright squares of light on the wall and straining to see anything. Apparently, because the infection caused significant loss of vision in my left eye, my right eye has been doing all the work to compensate for my left eye blundering through the darkness. For those of you familiar with the New Testament, I’ve been calling my right eye Martha, and my left eye Mary. Martha is none-too pleased.
(For those of you who aren’t, Mary and Martha were sisters who knew Jesus. In a famous story, Jesus is visiting their home and Martha is busy being hospitable, while her sister sits (I think probably in a bit of dreamy state) at the feet of Jesus just listening to him talk. Well, Ms. Martha will have nothing to do with that and (right about now you should be realizing how well named Martha Stewart is!) takes her sister to task for being a slacker. However, Jesus stands up to Martha and points out that there is so much more to life than being overly concerned about hospitality—he tells Martha that Mary had actually made a wise choice. And, I’m guessing here because the text doesn’t say, but I’m pretty sure Martha left the room and mumbled, “Men!” under her breath as she went. This has NOTHING to do with my story, but… there you go. )
I’ve managed to acquire a new pair of glasses which has helped immensely with the blurry world I’ve been living in. The frames look ok, too! I consider this a real accomplishment, since I have no sense of how a pair will look on me until the prescription is filled. I’m a sight to behold (oh, lord, with the bad puns again!), shopping for frames with my nose pressed up to a mirror trying hard to see me.
However, my optometrist was unable to correct my vision fully in my left eye and that means there is some real adjusting on my part. Slowly, I am healing. More slowly, I am adjusting. Reading is still a challenge and exhausting. I find that I get a few hours of “seeing” time before my left eye abandons me and it becomes too painful to really focus. Of course, I use that time to catch up on all of you! 😀
I don’t talk a great deal about my health on this blog—in part because I’m not that interested in it really. Every person who lives with a chronic condition of any kind will tell you the same: you choose health, not illness. Health is a polite guest who gently knocks on your door asking to be invited in, but it won’t assume to come in unless asked. Illness is not nearly as well bred. It is rude and doesn’t wait for you to answer the door: it simply barges into your home, sits down and plopping its feet up on the coffee table demands, “whatcha gonna do about this? HUH?”
It’s an everyday choice to see my life in terms of being healthy and all the blessings I know are out there. I choose to see the grace of the universe reigning down on me. Even as the gray threatens to drown me. It’s there. What keeps me going is the love of an amazing family and the ability stop and enjoy the sunlight together. Even as the rain becomes intolerable. Just when it seems to be too dreary and gray to endure a day longer, the Universe smiles down on us. That bright orb we adore appears to remind us that we are indeed loved. Grace arrives in the hands of my beloved who holds me steady and dials the phone. Grace arrives in the joy of the ten year old running with his dog, both barking at the top of their lungs. Grace arrives in the embrace of sunlight too bright to bear that I’m only too happy to endure.
I may not be seeing too clearly these days–but my heart knows this much: these people make me happy.
You & present company do bring joy to my life. The rain is difficult to endure but a sunny day seems to make it all worthwhile. Nothing better than to spend a Sunday “worshiping” in a family by doing nothing more than enjoying what’s been given to us. Yesterday was truly a day of rest – a much needed respite in the middle of all manner of “rain”, figurative and otherwise.
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We’ve had a few storms lately, eh? Thanks for taking the day. I know how hard it is to walk away from chaos and disaster and really be present! 😀 ~W
As for your eyesight… G was very worried. (Not to say that I’m not.) We both agreed that in time modern science may yet cure your problems. G decided that his virtualizer could be adjusted to help. Of course, when G heard that Alaskans get money to live there, he also said that he plans to move to Alaska to help fund his research. 😉
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I am Borg, hear me roar? If that child has any say in it, I’ll be sporting computer parts in no time. I hope you told him to not stress too much. He’s reached an age where I can’t hide the complications any longer, but that doesn’t mean I need him taking on the worry! I mean, Alaska seems a bit extreme for a solution. Heh ~W
You and Iz blog/comment the way Rich and I Skype- it’s always supportive, often loving, rarely sexy.
This post is a tough read that helps me understand a bit more about your struggles and a lot more about your good and thankful spirit. I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this mess. I agree with G- endocrinology is plugging away at a fast pace and I think you will get squared way not too far down the road- better living through chemistry!
The vision part is a REAL drag. Gunky painful blurred vision is enough to stop anybody in their writing tracks so just take your time. I’m stuck with just Martha since the age of 15 months so I’m used to that routine. Occasionally I too speak to her sharply and snap, “Focus on whats important here!” and she gets, literally, back in line. I’ve even learned how to fudge the peripheral vision test at the DMV. 🙂
Yes-good health is a blessing and it’s crummy when our earthly vessels chip and crack. Keep up the generally optimistic attitude and soak up all that love and attention. I’m off to a funeral, another reminder that it’s all too temporary.
Take good care.
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We save the sexy stuff for instant messaging. 😀 Thank you for the well wishes— I will be holding you in my thoughts and prayers as you head off to the funeral. You are right in that it is all too fleeting. Which is why I struggle to make the choice to look at life through a different lens than my illness. It’s actually been a long while since I’ve had to make an “adjustment for a deficit”. Those adjustments used to come rapidly, with little time to absorb. That’s actually good news. However, because it’s been such a long time since I’ve encountered a set-back, it kinda takes your breath away a bit. By instinct I know that I will get through this and will adapt, but emotionally I still have to absorb the shock. I makes me ever so wacky at times. 😀
And I WISH the boy was talking endocrinology like his father was! Oh no, that child will have me sporting hardware and brain implants! Trust me, if he comes knocking with “solutions” you might want to run! Heh. ~W
Oh, i’m so sorry for your eye troubles. But half the battle of any problems/issues is a good attitude + it sounds like you have it. Wishing you well!
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Thanks so much, kat! It is half the battle! (I’d joke that the other half is good red wine and chocolate, but I’m not so sure that’s the case as now I have to start working on losing some weight! hee!) ~W
Oh, yeah, that Alaska Dividend! That WAS nice.
W, I’m sorry to hear about Martha. I hope things are bright and clear for you soon. I’ve got foot problems and they are the pits, but I’m with you. Buck up and deal with it. I have a friend who is a “victim” all the time and is making her youngest the same way. They whine and complain all the time about this or that. I don’t have time. I go fondle some fabric, and life is good! 🙂 Big hugs to you!!! 🙂
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I think wellness and illness are really lenses we look through. . . and the problem with getting sick is that we often put on the illness lens but then forget that we don’t have to keep it on all the time! It’s important to take this stuff seriously—especially with chronic conditions that can have dire results if you don’t! However, like you, I’m attempting to take my illness seriously, but not myself. :D As for whining, I’m already a bigo whiner about the weather here. . . I certainly don’t need to add anything more to my list, eh? Hee… I actually apologized for whining yesterday to the phlebotomist, and she was like, “Heck, I don’t care if you whine, you’re leaving.” They crack me up. Which is probably a good thing coming from someone who wields a needle! ~W
Oh, I forgot to mention what a wonderful thing it is to see dear BW on the post. First thing in the morning. 🙂
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Ah, thanks! IZ and I were noticing in this photo how much he’s changed over the winter. He is really turning into that pre-teen and thinning out in the face. You can’t see it in the photo, but his hair is beginning to get these really beautiful, soft curls… Yikes, teenagehood is on its way! Scary, really, when you think about it! ~W
I will keep you in my thoughts and send lots of good vibes your way 🙂 Sometimes I get caught up in my own life and a post like this reminds me of the things that are most important, love and family and an unexpected sunny day. 🙂
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Thanks, Cap! I do appreciate it. But I expect you to be job hunting, not making movies about TFC. Got it? 😀 hee… ~WÂÂ
What a great photo, sophie yet again looks like a toy!
That eye doctor was really great, I went to see him on Saturday… thanks so much for the recommendation. We’ll see how cheeky my new frames look on soon!
You’re so right… .it’s important to keep your head up and focus on the things that make you happy. I hope you’re feeling soon.
I took some crazy photos of the slide two weeks ago… I didn’t know it had become a tourist attraction!
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She does look like a toy. Boy was she wound up to be outside and playing. It was like a new dog! She really does seem to suffer from SAD… maybe we should get her a light! Heh. ÂÂ
I’m glad you like the optometrist. I think he rocks, really. I’m looking forward to seeing your new frames. 😀 ~W
p.s. you know I meant “feeling better!”
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I did! :D I cringe at all the typos and leave outs I’ve been doing in comments lately. Holy cow, I think the sun JUST came out… I should dash off and photograph some stuff for TG before it leaves again! ~W
Thanks for sharing. Your attitude and outlook on life sure are a great reminder to me to not take things too heavy. I need to sit back and enjoy my kids and not sweat the small stuff. Hope you are feeling well and I’m sure you look sweet in your new frames!
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I don’t talk about it too often, because it isn’t the way I see my life… but there are times when it’s necessary, if only to come to grips with it myself! And, for me it’s important to remember, especially when I encounter a set-back, that why I blog and how I blog is a reflection of what I do “see” as important in life. But those good posts with pretty pictures come with a back-story–that I hope makes it more meaningful! 😀 Thanks for your well wishes!! ~W
I’m so bummed to read about your troubles! You are the uber-non whiner I must say. I’m glad you let it out so we can be supportive and a shoulder to cry on (even though your tears may be infected, HA).
I think it’s good to have The Cry on the sofa… it’s like good medicine. And if you’re having a day where it’s tough to see, I’ll be happy to pop up and do an non-Grammy award winning audible bloggy reading for you, k.
Can’t wait to see your new specs!
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Thanks Monica. My sitting down on a couch and crying is usually my moment of defeat. And precisely the time IZ tends to step in and say, “you don’t get to quit.” Low, low, low. :D Have fun with your hubby reunion this weekend. 😉 ~W
PS… We went and looked at the slide (or slides) too, even though the city keeps stressing not to go (like the waiter telling you the plate is hot… you touch it anyway). INSANE is that slide (and I’d LOVE to see Kathleen’s photos!). I’m really surprised the press coverage hasn’t gone beyond Seattle and Portland. I’m still waiting for Anderson Cooper to show up…
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I know!! I’m going to cause a freakin’ accident driving down the road trying to catch a glimpse of it. Amazing. Wouldn’t it be cool if Anderson Cooper showed up? Maybe we should email him and tell him we have a scoop! ~W
ACK!! Dear Lord, I was crying for you through that whole post. I had pinkeye for a whopping week last year and wanted to die; I can’t imagine how you are coping. Much love coming your way.
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Thanks, Heather! I do appreciate all the love. ~W
You are a trooper, Wende! A family that makes one happy is one of life’s greatest blessings, indeed.
There is less rain in Anderson, Alaska, but then you would be farther from Seattle, so I vote NO.
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Thanks, Babette. :D I’m with you, I think I’ll be staying put. If I’m complaining about the cold now, could you imagine? 😀 ~W
The Boy Wonder is so adorable. He has beautiful, expressive eyes. Does he look like you, Wende? I remember seeing a picture of you from your youth (misspent youth, I assume) and you have those same delicate features.
I love that you are calling your eyes Martha and Mary. And I love that you are able to maintain your sense of humor through all this. Rock on, honey.
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Oh, thank you! I think he looks more and more like me. I was willowy like that before I got sick. But, he has his dad’s eyes. And thanks for the well wishes… Have fun in Italy. (we expect pictures; you know that, right??) ~W
It sounds like it’s been tough, but you are loved, and resilient, so you have triumphed. It would be difficult for me to remain positive under such circumstances. I salute you. As Mary says, ROCK ON!
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I think you’d surprise yourself… you’re made of tough stuff, Margaret. Thank you for the well wishes, I appreciate it all. I feel pretty loved! ~W
Could you please do another post? Anything will do. It’s just that I have the song “I can see clearly” in my head and it. will. not. stop.
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Not a fan of Otis, eh? I’ll work on it! 😀 ~W
Good vibes coming your way for Martha and Mary to perk up and behave themselves soon! I think you need a gigglin’ girl craft night, yes?!
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I do, I do! Thanks so much for the well wishes, Paula. I appreciate all the love coming my way! ~W
Oh no…I am so sorry! I hope your eyes feel better soon. You know it’s serious when you just want to sit around and cry, and probably with an area of your body that is really irritated to begin with…huge hugs and well wishes your way!!
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Thanks, Saidra! You’re right—that’s my sign that things have gone terribly wrong. Oh, I’ll complain until the cows come home, but melting down means business. Notice I’m writing about this weeks later, when I can have perspective and be funny about it, heh. Thank you for the well wishes and hugs. ~W
Sending hope for healing…
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Oh, thank you! ~W
I’m sorry that you haven’t felt well. That stuff sucks, for lack of a better word. I know someone who could take inspiration from you. Besides me, that is.
Hope you’re feeling better.
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Thanks, Michelle. I’m trying not to whine these days—but I’ve got to tell you, it’s HARD!! ~W
I’ve been away from blog reading for a short while now, and was so sorry when I finally caught up on my reading to hear about what you’re going through. My thoughts are with you. How fabulous to have your positive outlook and people who care so much about you. Take care of yourself!
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Thank you! I’m trying. It’s spring break and I’ve yet to sew a darn thing, but you have to take this stuff in stride. BTW: Your work over on your blog is so very, very lovely. I’m digging it all!! ~W