Sep 15, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
So. I burned my belly button. Ok, actually, I burned the skin around my belly button. No, I’m not going to talk about how I did it. It’s rather embarrassing, really–and I’m in no mood to be mocked by the internet. Let’s just say it was an act of stupidity and be done with it. No, really–I’m not saying. Uh-uh, my lips are sealed. And NO, I’m not posting pictures, you perv. Seriously, you people need to get a life.
You, however dear reader, are free to make wild guesses in the comment box. Best guess wins.
Now, I must be going–I have Aloe Vera to apply. Ouch!
Sep 13, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
As an Old Testament scholar (that sounds so superior, trust me, it’s not) I can’t help but wish more people were interested in my subject matter. Groups of people gather regularly to discuss the meaning of Jesus: did he exist, what did he say, did he speak in red letters.
This confuses me, especially given our culture. Considering all the sex, gore, and violence in movies, you’d think the Hebrew Scriptures would have more appeal. Really, after the miracle myths stories, the New Testament is mostly made up of the rantings of some over zealous tent maker belaboring the meaning of discipleship. Oh, that and some dude who took what appears to be a bad LSD trip and then wrote it all down.
No, give me the Old Testament any day. Preferably, illustrated.
Aug 25, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
So, the Seminary where I’m enslaved ahem, I attend prints up a pictorial directory each year called Many Faces. (Don’t go there…) After 4 years of the same photo I thought I would submit a new one–even though I’m only going to be a student for another 4 months. I sent along this photo:
Imagine the surprise when my photo choice was declined and I was asked to “please submit another photo with less character and more appropriate accessories.” WTF? Less Character? We’re future clergy, not future corpses. Ok, well, we will be corpses eventually, but you take my point! And accessories? I have a wedding ring on and earrings you can barely see. It’s not like my tongue is pierced! Yet.
I fought the temptation to send them a photo of me flipping them off. But as they’ve shown NO sense of humor with the previous suggested photo, that strategy seemed doomed from the onset. And since I’m still in need of my diploma–best not to piss them off too much. So, naturally, in good judgment I nixed the idea.Of course, nothing prevents me from posting the photo here since good judgment is completely unheard of on this blog: (click to enlarge)
No, the photo isn’t blurry. You’ve been drinking. Again.
Aug 21, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
My apologies to those of you who have left comments recently and now find them missing. It turns out, my “host” was having a few issues and decided to do a restore. This would ordinarily not be an issue–except that, in a move that I can only assume was POT induced, the boys running this show decided to not inform me. Yes, I assume they are boys, too. I’m sure in the haze that filled the room it never occurred to them that I might be an comment obsessed blogger with no life who has the top ten comments tattooed on her forearm observant person. I notice when people comment. I respond. I notice when those comments and my responses freakin’ disappear. Why? Because, unlike my host, I’m not HIGH.
So, for the record, dear reader, you have been dissed by a couple of underachieving 20 somethings who have nothing better to do on a Sunday night than smoke a little weed.** Feel free to pay them the same courtesy in the comment box.
**For the record, I totally made this all up. I have NO idea if they are 20.
Aug 7, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
I found this while plunking around in my pathetically mixed up archives. (the coding is all messed up due to the import of data into Word Press. However, I’m just not prepared to plunder through 500 posts to delete every question mark resting where commas and apostrophes should be.) It gave me a good giggle, so I thought I’d post it again. Yes, that’s right, I’m pilfering my own pilfering. If that’s possible. Pffft!
Wrong Mantras
That which doesn’t kill me, makes me think it simply decided not to, my strength or lack thereof having nothing whatsoever to do with it.
In with the good things [inhale], out with the good things [exhale] — since we all know the same pair of lungs handles both inhaling and exhaling.
This, too, shall pass, leaving me wishing it would’ve somehow just never shown up to begin with.
If you think about bad things, then only bad things can happen, and this makes me think of nothing but bad things.
Every cloud has a silver lining, silver being one notch below the elusive gold.
Jun 8, 2006 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
Heh… My mother just sent me this email:
Hi Wen,
I just got this from a friend and had a good laugh. Hope it tickles your funny bone.
Love ya,
Mom
Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send an email to at least one unstable person.
