Jan 18, 2004 | Cat girl
In-Box
I’ve been cleaning out my email in-box and found a few gems… this one is from IZ:
HOW TO BATHE THE CAT
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids, and stand on
top so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from
inside toilet; cat is enjoying this.)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite
effective. Cat is too big to go anywhere.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and
quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air
dry.
Cat will return when hungry.
Sincerely, The dog
Sadly, this reminds me of “kitty doorbell.”
Jun 25, 2003 | Cat girl
A few Cat Haikus…
You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.
The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.
Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds —
your foot just squashed one.
You’re always typing.
Well, let’s see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.
Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What’s a ‘term paper’?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Cats meow out of angst
“Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!”
