See this little kid? Yeah, he doesn’t live here any more. Gone are the spontaneous hugs and scribbled hearts in crayon on my walls. Gone are lovely little expressions of gratitude and merriment. No more singing in the back seat of the car. No more dancing in the aisles of the store. This brooding boy now grunts his way through his day…and that’s when we’re lucky! Our bright, happy child has been snatched in the night and in his place is a very, very moody 10 year old. We never know from moment to moment: will it be the happy Boy Wonder or will it be his Evil Twin, Grim.
So, when the morning rolls around and IZ instant messages me, “Hey, is Boy Wonder awake” you can imagine my dread. He’s quiet. That’s good. He’s not making any noise at all… he’s either still asleep, as moody children are wont to do, or he’s avoiding schoolwork. It’s not any surprise when I message back, “Um, I’m not waking him up… YOU go do it.” If Evil Twin, Grim emerges from his room, I don’t want to be the one who faces him before coffee!
Evil Twin, Grim is cranky. He spits out his words with no amount of respect. Pointing out to him that consequences for his behavior are of his own making causes one to fear breathing wrong. His eyes narrow and boring holes into your soul he snaps, “You. Have. Offended. Me!” Heaven forbid. In a moment he’s angry, in the next he is a bundle of tears. (And, if you even hint to him that I told you any of this, I will deny ever knowing you.) I don’t remember signing up for Evil Twin, Grim. You can imagine why, lately, Chez Wonder hasn’t been such a wonderful place to live!
Now, there is a certain amount of attitude I’m willing to ignore. He is no doubt growing and suffering the awful side effects of hormone rushes. There is a requisite amount of door slamming and stair stomping to be expected. But, honestly—I’m not liking Grim all too much. Because, while I get his angst (premature, in my opinion) and his complete meltdowns and his bouts of irrational thought, not to mention the over abuse of words in my direction, what I’m missing is his sense of humor. He’s never been overly adept at laughing at himself while in the midst of drama—that’s to be expected at his age. But when the humor of everyday life is missing… then, you get a wee bit homesick for that quirky kid who used to wear your flip-flops with socks and groove to his own little beat. Where is that kid?
And then. Then he has his moments. He surprises you by paying attention. By being ever so thoughtful. By trying really hard to be pleasant. Yet, the specter of Grim’s eventual arrival lurks on the edges. That’s when you hear loud thumping on the stairs, the door slam open (yes, that’s possible) and he unceremoniously thrusts these into your hands:
“Here,” he grunts. “I was going to give these to you for Christmas, but, well here you go!” And you are taken aback that at 10 he knew the only thing you wanted for Christmas was a few handmade houses to begin a village of your own.
In your hands are little houses of wonder. And you remember that this, in all its brooding grimness and all its delightful wonder, this is exactly who you signed up to love.
Yep, ten years old sucks for mom and the kid! I think we sat next to boy wonder last year at Regatta when the parade came back around down sitting in front of Bank of Astoria. I noticed him and started thinking I know him, his mannerisms and his face and then it dawned on me how. I will now laugh if you say you all weren’t even in town during Regatta!
Do you homeschool? Either way, you might consider getting him to join the theater or radio. Speaking from experience it helps a 10 year old boy out of the snarlies and can save his life (at his mother’s hands)!
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Heh… that would have been us. That was a good day, Regatta. As for acting, it’s been tossed around a lot here. While I was in grad school/Internship, I could barely keep up with just schooling and swimming and church… but now that I have free time (HOLY COW) I’ll look into it.  Do you have any ideas of where I should start here in Astoria?? And… welcome! Thanks for the comment. 😀 ~W
He’s a total Capricorn. Boy Wonder is whatever good qualities you manage to foster in him – Grim is a Capricorn down to his TOES. He won’t get over it. He’ll either learn to hide it or he’ll learn to ignore it … but it’s ALL Capricorn, all the time. We’re gloomy little goats.
Just thought I’d share 😉 lol
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Bite your tongue, Sunshine. :DÂ Heh… “gloomy little goats” made me laugh. 😀 ~W
A fun read… something every mother knows but is too scared to talk about… the 10-12 years. Oh, did I just spoil that? Never mind about 11 & 12. Nothing. Nevermind.
Hey… I love your plan for an Astoria blogapalooza on the 28th at Astoria Coffee (mmmmmm… baked mac & cheese and a tropical Chai to wash it down with!)!
Also… From a comment you made on Paula’s post about moving… I wonder if we might be neighbors? She is down the hill from me too!
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I know, I’m so happy for Paula—but really sad for us that she’s moving further away. I liked the idea that we were all in the same neighborhood blogging away! :D I’m glad you will be coming to the Blogapalooza (good name!). 😀
And, thanks for the warning. I think. 😉 ~W
wow… I think your son must have sprung from the same mystery tree. Mine’s still three weeks from birthday #10, but he has a well-developed (and increasingly present) evil twin. Mom is at the end of her rope. I’m out of ideas. We homeschool three kids, but this one we put into public school last week just to give him a break from mom and vice versa, and in hopes he would learn something rather than just grumping about the tasks she was asking him to do. Why is it that he is so charming and bright for others, but such a dark cloud at home?
Maybe some kids are here just to test that whole “unconditional love” concept.
If you come up with any great solutions, ideas, strategies, please share them. Good luck.
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I’m thinking you might be right on the whole “unconditional love” concept. As for solutions, hey, I’m just trying to weather this storm. 😀 ~W
That’s a really lovely piece of writing. As usual you tell a great story. Of course – the one thing that I’m compelled to mention is that the evil twin has always been there – lest we forget the 2 hour long screaming fits said boy used to have… As I’ve mentioned before, I believe that kids as they hit their teens – experiment with how much of their inner toddler they should let out. It isn’t so much that they are an “angry teenager” as much as their inner toddler is just getting the better of them at that particular moment… but I digress.
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Oof… I do remember those 45 minute screaming jaggs he’d go on after he woke from a nap. You may be right. I have to give it to him, on the houses. They are pretty darn cute! 😀 ~W
If they started out this way, we’d send the all back right…yes?
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Oh! Point taken. :D ~W
For girls it starts about then or a little later, and it is NOT fun. Suddenly instead of being the most important person in their world, I was “the enemy.” It was all I could do not to whine that I didn’t do anything wrong! (except loving and parenting them which is not really what they want at that age) I had to learn to back away, and give some space. It was very difficult.
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Fortunately, these moody episodes are short lived and the sunny boy comes back. But, those moods are coming with more regularity and I can see my future and I’m very frightened of next few years. However, lately—he’s seems to know when he’s pushed too hard and works really hard to “make it up” for a few days before Grim shows back up… which is how I got the houses. ~W
The houses are awesome. Done with love on an impulse – can’t ask for more than that… truly special.
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Yeah, wonder who he gets that from? 😉 ~W
I never had singing in the back of the car at that age, we had screaming, kicking fits. I don’t miss those at ALL. Younger Son still dances in the supermarket, even at an age where people stare. I don’t care. You take what you can get!
I am worried about Boy Wonder. Do you think something is going on at school that he is keeping inside? It is amazing how secretive kids can be sometimes.
The houses are so cute. I miss those things from Older Son.
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Oh! I didn’t mean for you to be concerned. Just today he spontaneously decided to go shopping for Christmas. Using his own money!! Will wonders never cease? He’s just leaving childhood behind. It’s a slow, slow process. ~W
what astoria blog meet up?
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The one I planned today. I sent you email. 😀 ~W
I am such a Capricorn (or Crappycorn, depending upon my outlook). I tell you, it’s a heavy thing being a goat.
Thank goodness I gave birth to no others, however, I do have a Taurus. Care to guess which one?????
Thought you’d guess right…
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Hmm… would that Ms. Princess, Supreme Ruler of All She Surveys and Even Stuff She Can’t See But is Pretty Sure is Hers to Command? Heh. I must admit to being pretty ignorant of the personality traits of the astrological signs. But I do subscribe to Free Will Astrology—because Rob Brezsney just rocks. (http://www.freewillastrology.com) ~W
awww…..those are soooo sweet.
I love gifts like these! 🙂
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Me too! ~W