Day Sixty-eight: Pumpkin pie with vampire test holes.

I’m not sure why, but I woke up today with the urge to make pumpkin pie. Do you ever have days like that? I do and they don’t usually come to much because the day typically gets away from me. But today I was determined. Good thing too, because while I might have been jonesing for pumpkin pie the Universe was having nothing to do with it.

First up was the realization that I needed evaporated milk. Which meant yet another trip to the grocery store. I have real issues with trekking across town for just one item, so wine and bread and cheese also made the list with one can of evaporated milk. No worries, just a little trip to the grocery store, I still have my pie making mojo! Upon returning home I set to work.

Now, my recipe is a double. So that means, unless you half it, you’re making two pies. I know this. I told myself this at the onset, “Self! Pay attention! You need to half everything*.”

I promptly measured out the all the spices and then looked at the sugar. “Half it!” And I did… good girl, Wende. Except, as I mixed it altogether, the color starts to tip me off. Homer Simpson moment, “D’oh!” I forgot to half the spices.

Ok, no worries, I’ll just double the sugar and then half the spices/sugar combo and save part of it for the some other day’s pie. Whew, close call.

I then do my thing making a crust and pop it into the freezer to wait. I pull out a bowl and start cracking eggs. One. Two. Three. Four. All without a bit of shell. I am an egg cracking queen. Someone should give me my own cooking show! I add half the pumpkin and the whole can of evaporated milk to the mix. I whisk and wonder why I don’t bake pie more often? This is easy peasy.

I’m about to put in the half sugar mix when I realize that I put in four eggs. Into one pie. That’s not a pie. That’s a souffle! Head desk head desk head desk.

Yeah, you saw this coming right? Because I only bought one can of evaporated milk and for this recipe to be doubled I need two. One more than I have in the house.

Barbie was right, Math is hard!

“IZ!!!”
“What?”
“You think you can run to the grocery store and buy a can of evaporated milk? Not Sweetened Condensed, but EVAPORATED MILK? That way I can stay here and whip out another pie crust.”

I have the best husband in the world. The man isn’t stupid either. He’s keenly aware that no one enjoys Wende going off the deep end, especially when there is pie on the line.

“I was nearly killed three times on the way to the store. I kid you not, I’m completely frazzled!” Handing me the loot.

I can see through the cheap plastic bag that we’ve got a problem. That can is too small.

“Yeah, I already know what you’re thinking. But I couldn’t remember which one you wanted, I was so freaked out, I bought both Sweetened Condensed and Evap.”

Did I mention that I love him?

So, I made pie. I made two pies. I made one traditional pumpkin pie and one square pie, because after all that chaos I discovered that I didn’t have another glass pie plate. Clearly, I’m going to have to buy more cooking utensils for the TV show. Oh yeah, and probably hire a sous-chef to do the hard math.

*Evidently talking to myself in italics didn’t do squat. Next time I’ll have to try bold.

Update: Oh, for crying out loud! I went back and read that recipe. I doubled the sugar. Somebody is getting canceled.