Day Thirty-six: Undone
I’m still fermenting. But this much I know is true: I’m feeling undone by the past 8 months. Someone needs to button me up.
Last week is still leaching out of my body—I’ve been carrying so much stress that the bank news on Tuesday felt like the something broke in me. A torrent of emotion hit me, water over a poorly built damn—I managed to dash off a few necessary emails and then I just shut down. It’s been a week of stress finding its way out of my body; each day a new way, and each way more interesting than the last. Did you know you can carry stress in your pelvic floor? Yeah, me neither!
Two months ago I decided that the Bank wasn’t going to win. At least not in terms of my sanity. I vowed to stop fretting, stop talking, stop stewing, stop fixating on all the horror.  When we were told that this process could take upwards of a year I made up my mind; we might lose our house, but I didn’t want to wake up a year from now and realize that I’d lost a year of my life too! So, IZ and I agreed to put it on the back-burner. To only talk about it when necessary, and to move  forward with our lives.
Apparently, I forgot to inform my body of this decision! It seems I just clenched up with every foreclosure notice (Yeah!  They can still threaten you even if you are in negotiations for a work-out!), every bank statement, every time IZ adopted that “bank tone” while on the phone  (whether he was talking to them or not! I swear, it’s a distinct sound that wakes me from a dead sleep!). So, when we finally received paperwork, after nearly 9 months of waiting and enduring a humanity shaking experience, my  body caught up with my resolve.
A week later I’m still unclenching and still feeling undone.
Where we stand:
I think I emailed most of you, but apologize if you were skipped over. It’s been an ordeal. The work-out that we were offered wasn’t as good as we had been promised. But, considering what we’ve been through, we didn’t expect the bank to be honorable. Nor did we expect them to be able to do math. That in mind, the agreement is still better than losing our house! And we’re hanging onto that. With careful budgeting and some deep cuts we can make the payment and still feed ourselves. Considering that IZ still has a job and we are all relatively happy and healthy, we’re  going to take it and MOVE FORWARD.
Because the bank can make nothing simple, we will be compelled to make 3 more months of trial payments before the final paperwork arrives and we can sign the agreement. That puts us at October and 11 months of hell. Until then, I’m loath to document the horrible treatment (or name names*!). Call me paranoid, but I just don’t want to jinx it. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get around to documenting the entire thing here, simply because Evidently remains a refuge—and there is some ground I refuse to cede to the bank. That being said, I’m happy to share our experience via email with anyone in a similar situation! And please know, if you are struggling, I am praying for you! Send me your name and I’ll pray specifically. You are not alone in this hell and as Winston Churchill once said, ” If you’re going through hell, keep going.”**
So, this is me on the thirty-sixth day of Summer. Undone:  Sun-burned, sans make-up, rocking the wild woman hair, scarred  and a bit bruised and discovering my pelvic floor. But I have my headphones on and I’m writing and I’m still smiling.
*But God knows who you are, BANK, and God is taking notes and names and I’d be looking both ways before I crossed a busy street if I were you. Just sayin’!
** I had never heard that quote until this debacle. And then my beloved tribe member, Carly, sent it to me in email. And it remains proof that a good friend and a good word can sustain you.
And what a lovely smile it is!
Hugs to you, Wende.
But for the grace of God, we are not experiencing any of that firsthand, but other family members have not been so fortunate.
My quote is “whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger, and, lord, am i strong!”
just here in dickinson today amidst the thunderstorms and tornado sirens while dad is on travel in houston (of all places…!)
and thinking of you and admiring your strength…and loving your grace and your smile…
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Treva… I’m beginning to wonder if you and your husband are ever in the same place at once! I hope he’s home soon!! Thank you for all your love and attention and tea missives in the mail.
Ooh, speaking of mail, I need your new mailing address PRONTO!! Thank you, dearest! ~Wen
Yoga. Oddly enough I know about the pelvic floor and hips because of yoga. We store so much stress in our hips…and when we’re able to let it go and stretch it out, it unlocks our creativity.
Perhaps someone should let the bank know this…it could stand some more creativity.
Your grace and strength is amazing…You are all amazing.
Go slow and stretch as much as you can and then you can start flying again…
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Yeah, me and Tami Lee are spending time together. I knew I was wound up but I had no idea just how much!! And thank you for all your kind words and support, Sadira!! You rock, darling! ~W
I love you and IZ and Boy Wonder and Evidently.
Enough said. 😀
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We love you, too!! ~W
I’m relieved that it’s working out and can’t imagine that many months of stress. If every muscle in your body isn’t clenched with stress, you’re a better woman than I. Wow–terrifying!! P.S. Thanks for the e-mail. Love you.
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Oh, I’m pretty sure every muscle is clenched and dang is it painful unclenching. Breathing in, breathing out. You were on my short list of people to tell—in part because you are a worrier and I’m trying hard not to contribute to YOUR stress!! Love you bunches! ~W
Aw, shucks. 😀 I also like, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” You have been my reminder of that very principle many, many times. One of the many reasons I love you.
Banks don’t have a pelvic floor – they have a pelvis stick. It’s what makes them so inconstant and irascible.
Ps. You are prettier without makeup than most women I know with. The stress obviously avoided your skin.
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Pelvis stick… I love you. You know that, right? 😀 ~W
BANKS suck! That’s why I use the Credit Union. Was sick of the BANK taking my money every month for the “Pleasure” of using their services!
Sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with this for so long! Stress is so bad for the body! I try every day to not be too stressed out, sometimes it’s impossible to get rid of though!
🙂 Lots of hugs to you!
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Thanks, Sarah! We’re no fans of big banks either. In fact, when we got our original loan 5 years ago we went through a very small outfit. That promptly got bought. And then that company was assumed by the megalith that has been trying my last nerve! This whole process has only affirmed my resolve to never, never do business with anything but a credit union. (where our banking actually is!!) OY VEY!! ~W
Obviously stress doesn’t show on your face because you are gorgeous! I’m sorry you are having to deal with the BANK. My daughter and several friends are going through he same thing…its rough 🙁
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Tricia, that makes me so sad to hear. Last December over a million people applied from the program with our bank! They were grossly understaffed and have treated us horribly in these past months—so I know what your friends and family are going through. I will pray that the Universe protects them and provides a solution SOON! Blessings to you. And have I told you lately? YOU’RE AWESOME!! ~Wen
Blessings, friend. I had no idea that you all were “wrastling” with the Bank. Grrrrrr….with love and prayers that grace will abound in delightfully surprising ways.
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IZ took a significant pay cut in late November and we’ve been scrambling since then to figure this all out. We were told in December that we more than qualified for the Making Home Affordable program, given a new “trial” payment amount, and told it would take about 6 weeks to get paperwork. Yeah, 8.5 months later and hardly the amount we were promised. I just keep thinking about all the other people who are going through this and are suffering under the stress of it. It breaks my heart. So, thank you, thank you for your prayers and well wishes! ~Wen
So sorry, I had no idea…my prayers and thoughts are heading your way…catch them! xoxo Kerri
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Thanks, Kerri! Healing thoughts coming your way. I do hope you feel better very soon! ~W
We are experts at making lemonade, eh?. It does seem to be a specialty of ours. Thank you for the grace you’ve brought throughout this. You are so beautiful.
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You make my heart melt. ~W
Much love your way.
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Thank you! ~w