Twenty. Last year I cheated and put up an archived post from a past anniversary. And while I’m proud of that piece and still stand by the sentiment, I regretted doing it. In retrospect, I wish I had found the right words to sum up the moment. But the words decided to play a game of  hide and seek—and no matter how closely I looked, they evaded me. So, I took the easy way out and pulled an archived anniversary post.
This year is different. Let the damn words hide. I will make up new ones. Because you don’t reach this landmark without stopping. Without stopping, reflecting, and putting up a sign that says, “We were here. And we’re still very much in love.”
So, twenty. Today we reach that landmark where we  can look back and see as many years married as not. Half of our lives we’ve journeyed together with conjoined names and linked hearts. And every day is a blessed day. We can look you straight in the eye and tell you without guile that we know the meaning of “For  better or for worse.” But unlike our earlier selves, we also know that the worse is not to be feared or avoided or endured. We are wiser, if a bit more wrinkled. We are happy, if a bit overwhelmed with life at the moment. We are still married.
And we are still very much in love.
It has not been without work. Or tears. We are pock-marked and scared by this life. And I’m not about to sugar-coat the losses. But again and again, I come back to you. It’s your hand in the horror that holds me close. It’s your voice in the darkness that keeps me sane and reminds me: we are still married. We are still very much in love.
And it will not always be so scary and so hard and so fraught with meaning. Life will cycle back again, and someday soon we will find ourselves at another anniversary—calmer. We will still be married. And we will still be very much in love. For better. For worse. Again and again. It’s this promise I’m keeping.
Happy Anniversary, IZ. I love you. More than these words. So, so much more.
Again and again, however we know the landscape of love
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again
among the flowers, face to face with the sky. ~~Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 – 1926)
20 years indeed. When we say it people get a shocked look on their face and say, “20! Really?” As if we are pulling their legs. “Oh, WOW!” (Visibly picking jaw up from the floor.) “Well, congratulations!”
I never know what to make of those responses. Are they shocked because so few marriages last even this long? Do they think we are too young to have been married so long? (My gray hairs suggest we are plenty old in my book.) Is it that they’ve taken side bets that we can’t make it another year and now they have to face their bookie?
What I can say with all honesty is that I fell in love and stayed in love. I think longevity comes with the recognition that love changes. It is like a fine wine that improves over time as long as it is treated with care.
And so, I drink it all in. There are a lot of moments to remember over 20 years. I’m afraid many have blurred together… but I will never forget:
* Our first kiss.
* Our first visit to a B&B.
* Our first move out of state.
* Our first (and only) birth.
* Our first home purchase.
Oh, there’s lots of in-between moments which add up to a full heart of memories to treasure.
And you are right. There have been challenges a-plenty. But the constant has been our love and that has seen us through. Well, that and hard work. NO ONE talks about the hard work. But when you love someone the “hard work” isn’t as difficult as some might think.
I love you because I always have. I love you because of who you are. I love you for the life we share.
Thank you for saying “yes.”
Thank you for surviving an agonizingly long engagement.
Thank you for putting up with me when I have had a bad attitude.
Thank you for encouraging me to always try to live into being my best self.
My friend, love of my life, please hold my hand and keep walking this journey with me. Side by side. Forward.
I love you too. Happy Anniversary Wende!
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I adore you! And get your own blog. hahaha! ~W
Sweet. Gorgeous post. Gorgeous photo.
Congratulations!
{I, too, have been happily married for 2o years! 21 in August.}
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We have so much in common, kerri! Thank you, thank you! ~W
Dear Iz and Wende,
Congratulations doesn’t seem to be the right word, maybe…. “Joylation” To read both of your posts truly brought tears to my eyes and that happy catch in my throat. It really is so wonderful. Skye and I have been together for 17 years (12 married) and will reach our 20th right at around our 40th birthdays. And even thought it isn’t always easy, our love for each other is unwavering. I love your honesty and frankness, and that you, Iz, write so openly and can express yourself in ways that many men forget. Enjoy each other, the familiar and the new….As you grow older and your minds and bodies change, there is always a new adventure waiting. JOY!!
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Thank you, dear Amber! I so appreciate all the love! And congrats to you and Skye. I must confess, I still see your 12 year old self when I think of you. 😀 ~W
Blessings to you both!
We just made 13 last Monday…third year in a row we were not together on the day of…but hopefully this stretch will be over soon.
It is a beautiful thing to see how you walk together and endure and rejoice along the way. A testimony to true love.
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Oh! Belated wishes to you! 13 is a great year–I’m so sorry you couldn’t spend it together. Here’s to that not being the case for #14! ~W
Here’s to another 20 … you two inspire the rest of us 🙂
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Indeed! And thank you!! ~W
I love the thoughts and the poem. 20 years is a long time, a lifetime of marriage with the best part yet to come. Congratulations!!
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Thank you, Margaret!! ~W