. . . but here we go.
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I will admit, I’m not ready for this. I’ve re-read my baby manuals and I can’t find the chapter on “Dungeons and Dragons, cologne, and some 16 year old tart thinks your kid is SEXY.”
How do you make them stop growing? I don’t mean the constant, “Mom, my pants are too short” growing or the, “Mom, I’m HUNGRY” growing. I mean the, “Hey mom, I need mouthwash” growing.Â
No, no you don’t need mouthwash.
And you don’t need cologne either. I’ll concede the deodorant, kid. But that’s as far as I’m going.Â
Boy Wonder: “But MOM! I want cologne.”
Me: “Do you even know what cologne is for?”
Boy Wonder: “It makes you smell good.”
Me: “No! Â And you may not wear cologne if you don’t know what it’s for. Go ask your father what cologne is for. . .”
Much stomping up stairs and down stairs. . .Â
Boy Wonder: “See, I told you! He says it’s to make you smell good.” Â
Me: “Go tell your father he’s not allowed to wear it either!”
I’ll tell you why teenage year old boys wear  cologne, and it’s not to smell good. Not exactly. It’s so that GIRLS will notice they smell good. And his father should have known that as he was the best smelling teenage boy I ever knew.Â
Where was I? Oh yea, I’m not ready for this.Â
My BABY came home from his first big kid event last week ( a marathon Dungeons and Dragons game. He had been invited by the slightly older crowd and being the youngest player was a big deal.) all a twitter and a glow. Asking for deodorant, cologne, and informing me that some tart girl thought he was cute. Â
Boy Wonder: “Mom! Am I ever glad that you made me really wash my hair yesterday.”
Me: (stopping for a moment to gloat and not realizing what I was walking into.) “Yeah, see, I told you!”
Boy Wonder: “Yeah! Some girl ran her fingers through my hair and told me that she thinks I’m SEXY.”
Me: “WHAT? Wait, wait, wait. What girl, running her hands through, Â what?”
Boy Wonder: “MOM! She’s like, sixteen. She thinks I’m a cute kid. She’s not my age or anything.”
Me: (climbing the stairs to his father’s office) “Yeah, well, ‘SEXY’ isn’t a word I want applied to my 12 year old.”
At this point his father, who doesn’t know what cologne is for, is snorting laughter in his office.
Me: “What are you laughing at, buster?”
Seriously, am I the only adult in this house?
I didn’t tell him to wash his hair so some girl would run her hands through it. I told him to wash his hair because it was filthy. These little moments of parenting can have unintended consequences, my friends. You think you’re just doing your job by insisting on good hygiene and teenage girl reinforces your point and simultaneously doubles your water bill.  And I certainly didn’t agree that he could go hang out and play the ultimate geekville game for him to come home asking for cologne.Â
Boy Wonder: “So, can I have some cologne?”
Me: “No. But let’s talk when you’re 13.”
I’m still not ready for this. But I’ve bought myself 4 months. And who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll forget.
Forget? Not likely. What BW wants, BW remembers. Very well written. *tart* – *snort*.
It’s starting ALREADY?? Oh, what fun you’ll have! *snicker* I only dealt with this from the girl side of it and neither one of mine would ever do what that girl did. They’re both pretty shy around boys, even Alison. Good luck!!
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Yeah, I’m going to just lock him in his room, Margaret. ~W
😆 That’s all.
I think IZ is right he will not forget. So when you are shopping for the right cologne you might look for an ugly mask for him to wear because with his great looks he really won’t need cologne to get the girl’s to notice him.
Ready or not here he comes Mom.
Ahh yes. My 9 year old daughter asked for deodorant a few months ago. I had an internal emotional breakdown. It took me at least a month to agree to it. And very recently, she asked if she could wear my perfume. Hmm. THEN she said she thought she might need a “sports bra”. I actually went to the store and bought deodorant, a sports bra, and um, some, feminine products. Just in case. I mean, I freaked out. She isn’t even 10 yet!!!! Yes so I know how you feel.
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Scary! What is funny for me, is that just 3 months ago the suggestion of a girl flirting with him made him cringe. Now it’s “Oh, I might flirt back.” He’s almost 13 and he knows it. I think freaking out is a parental prerogative. 😀 ~W
Um, I would also like to talk to this girl. No hands through the hair!!! She’s obviously a heartbreaker.
And, as everyone has said, so is he. But, innocently enough 🙂
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Oh, he’s discovered the joy of being admired. He’s the baby of that group and tolerated to some point. Even the boys in the group give him a hard time about his hair. They all come from Coastguard families and short hair is the thing. So, BW with his rockstar hair, well–it draws attention! ~W
I’ve heard it say that boys only have one thing on their minds…but little did I know it was cologne. This leaves me only more confused about the opposite sex…LeSigh.
Hang in there…and maybe you should let him know that if he’s not old enough to remember to wash his own hair, then he’s not old enough for cologne.
right? (and really? Running your hands through someone’s hair at 16? I STILL don’t do that to people…and I’m, well, I’m older…)
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Oh, I’m afraid “reminding” is just part of parenting boys. He washes his hair, but not to my satisfaction. It’s a mother thing.
As for the girl–apparently, she’s the girlfriend of an much older boy. As IZ is fond of reminding me, people throw the word “sexy” around casually anymore, it’s no wonder kids do as well. ~W
Welcome to the AXE stage. Axe is the most obnoxious cologne out there and marketed to teen boys…it will make your eyes water…it’s that bad…but the boys all wear it. Teen girls are very aggressive so if you haven’t had the “talk” yet you’d better get to it.
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Note to self: NO AXE. As for the talk. We’ve been talking since he was 9, because of a very sad situation with a friend. But we are keeping the lines open. And you can bet this change of heart about girls has meant a lot of me saying, “here’s how we feel about this. . .” But it’s good advice, Karan. And I’m heeding it. ~W
Love it! By the way, 12 year old boys are like elephants. They NEVER forget. My oldest (now 30) reminds me of things from back in his prepubescent days. Go ahead, invest in the deodorant, and a little cologne, you’re not ready for it, but hormones are beginning to rage. You’ll save your nose if nothing else, funny little boys develop a wet puppy smell at about this age..;-)
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oh, so that’s what’s emanating from his bedroom! ~W
Shudder. My boy is 9-1/2 and hides his eyes at the kissy parts in movies but still. shudder!
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Yeah, that change happens overnight, Liza. ~W
That was the age when a boy friend (not “boyfriend”, mind you) started dabbing vanilla extract on his neck. Hey, maybe BW should make his own! He might come up with something delightfully age appropriate.
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Sounds like a chapter for your next book, Bethany! 😀 ~W
LOL – dabbing vanilla extract… that is too funny and too cute. I can remember wanting to smell like my dad… must be a “thing” we go through.
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It was a clever idea. Although, it would be more appealing for a girl to do it. Studies have shown men are attracted to vanilla and pumpkin. Yeah, like they needed to spend money to determine that. ~W