Almost thirteen. But not quite.
Boy Wonder: “Ok, so if you have to come get me at the park. . . just, uh, kinda stand on the edge and wait to catch my eye. Ok? Because, waving is so not cool.”
It was bound to happen.  That  magic time-release pill you take when your child is born finally goes off in your body. The child you once had to remind hourly, “I’m not a jungle-gym, stop climbing on me!” now, bats away your public attempts to be affectionate. Overnight you are embarrassing. And really, you are. You’re not cool. Don’t let your fashion forward clothing or taste in Alternative music fool you. You are a mother of a teenager and by definition you are NOT. COOL.
Did I mention that this new change in status comes with a new title too? Oh yea, you’re no longer “MOM!” but “Moooother!” Which is apt. Because, let’s face it, Â it’s not your job to be cool. It’s your job to mother and that requires a keen eye at noticing all the newly established and yet completely invisible boundaries your child has constructed overnight:
When you can and cannot give hugs or advice. Hugging only when no one is looking and always at bedtime. NEVER when there is a girl around. Advice only when said child is well fed and there are NO Â girls around.
What you can and cannot call him. Only by his given name in public. Pet names at bedtime. Nothing, you don’t know who he is if there is a girl around.
Where and when you can be seen together in public. If you’re buying clothes or food or “extras” your wallet is always welcome and probably your company too. Â But, only if, you know, there are no GIRLS around.
Did I mention the new boundaries also come with fully installed land mines? Yeah, one of them is called “Not when there are girls around.” It’s not unrealistic that you will lose a few limbs in this process. Don’t worry, they’ll grow back.
This is toddlerhood on testosterone so tread carefully. Respect is  your best guide, humor your road map. But you can rest easy in one little fact: you are not alone in this. His father took that magic pill too and he wears socks with his sandals.
Seriously. You are one of the best writers! Love your posts! My 13 yo feels the same way + eye rolling.
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Ooh, eye-rolling. And huffing. Oh, and the dramatic, “FINE!” and then sauntering off mid argument. Got to love the drama. 😀 And thanks Bari, glad I’m not alone! ~W
I remember those days–but don’t worry; when they get older, your “coolness” comes back. I get in trouble for wearing sandals with socks! Very unattractive.
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I’m cool with just being the mom. 😉 It’s a totally “Zen” form of coolness, you know? ~W
Toddler ‘n’ Testosterone = TNT 😀
As for socks and sandals -that is a statement I choose to make on my property, not out and about. Therefore it doesn’t count. 😉
I think for me at this stage, the most cherished thing is a “free hug”.
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I’m with you on the free hug thing!
As for your sandals: 1. I still see you. and 2. You’re embarrassing my lawn. 😀 ~W
Exact same thing is happening in this household, except it’s a girl doing the worrying. If I drive her to school, I have learned to kiss her goodbye IN OUR OWN DRIVEWAY. Because the next time I have the opportunity, in the school parking lot, it’s far too late.
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Hug Bunny for me, but you, in private! ~W
Oh Lord. I am so not ready for her to think I am not cool. But I know it’s coming . . . and just imagine, I’m a teacher to boot. Thankfully, not at the same school but oh my goodness will I be in for it! Thanks for the heads up!
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It’s weird, I’m not upset about losing my coolness. I knew it was coming. And I just look at it as that natural progression necessary for this kid to become an adult. But, it has its moments when in retrospect I think, “Uh, could have avoided that blow-up!” 😀 ~W
The thirteen year old in my life has to cross her arms, roll her eyes, and constantly tell me how “…bad 80’s music is” Even when it’s directly being sampled FROM an 80’s song. It kind of makes me want to sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and flick her on the head…but really? I don’t think you can ever win an argument with a 13 year old…Which must be what they mean by “Pick your battles” eh?
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Yes! Pick your battles and ask yourself, “is this really this hill I want to die on today?” 😀 ~W
Doesn’t it make you want to phone your mum and apologize over and over and over again for anything you did under the influence of teen-angst and hormones??
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Honestly? Not really. My mother didn’t respect my boundary issues and took all those teenage hormones personally. But if your mom took your hormone induced outbursts with style and class, get on the phone with FTD RIGHT now and send her flowers. 😀 ~W
hahaha I’m sorry to laugh at your pain, but … hahaha You’ll be cool again when he’s, oh I don’t know, 30. 🙂 You’ll probably still embarrass him, but he’ll shrug it off and blame it on senility. That’s what I do.
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He can blame it on senility NOW. 😀 ~W
Oh man, I am so dreading those years that are coming! Breaks my heart to even think of it.
Stand on the side and catch my eye.
I love that he can tell you that. It cracks me up.
You’re right though… and it sucks, but our job is not to be ‘cool’. I wish there were a way to be both… but I suppose not when you’ve seen them in diapers and in Converse. We just know too much.
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I love that he can tell me that too! That he trusts me to respect the boundaries he’s trying to establish. It’s bitter-sweet–but far more sweet than bitter. He’s taking those first big steps toward manhood and I hope that he knows just how proud we are of who he is! And from where I sit, it’s in these moments (my willingness to let him grow up) that the foundation for a future relationship is laid. So, I’m taking big steps too–becoming the mother of his adulthood. ~W
Margaret is right…they come around again so just wait this hands-off stage out. The hardest part for me was the loss of the long held good night rituals of story reading/talking, last of the day hug…that part hasn’t come back yet and I doubt that it will because both kids have moved out now. Maybe in 10 years when the grandkids arrive…
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I’m ok with not coming back to cool. I will admit I miss the snuggle bug he once was–but he’s such an interesting person it’s only a fleeting bit of nostalgia on my part. And as you say, Grandkids!! 😀 ~W