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Not Breaking the Bank
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In my kitchen, which sports “vintage” wallpaper from 1982, is a set of baby furniture. It’s basic kitchen white, painfully too small, shamefully grubby, and presently full of fresh veg from Costco. I keep waiting for it to die; although, 13 years later I still can’t afford for that to happen. Â
I have a love-hate relationship with this refrigerator. We were renting while pregnant with Boy Wonder when our old and very used fridge keeled over and went to Whirlpool heaven. Avocado green and accented with rusting interiors I should have been happy to see it go. I certainly cursed it every time I walked past it. Too large for the space we were in, it was a bit of a squeeze for my pregnant belly to pass it and make the corner into the kitchen. Â
It was one of several appliances in that old house long past its expiration date—but sadly, it belonged to us, so there was no appealing to the landlords for a replacement. Married to an entrepreneur who was “THIS” close to going public, I was working with a very tight household budget. The only money we had saved was the money we set aside for baby furniture. A crib, a dresser, and a changing table in the most beautiful cherry wood ever known to the gestating became a fruit and veg drawer, glass shelves, and door that has opened the wrong way for every apartment we’ve lived in since! Â
Oh how I cried. Blame it on the hormones, but it’s a loss I still carry with me… in part, because the evidence of it insists on mocking me daily in my 1982 wallpapered kitchen.  I’d like to get rid of them both, the fridge and the wallpaper, but it’s looking like both are staying for the duration of this “recession”. I passive-aggressively don’t clean it, and it comes in handy when I’m in a mood to fight with my entrepreneur husband, “YOU and your start-up ways! My baby didn’t have nice baby furniture. . . he had a WHITE REFRIGERATOR.”
But for all my weeping, for all my moaning, that refrigerator is a reminder of just how abundant my life is. And yes, I can tell you that I’ve made so many of those trade-offs through the years. Money spent on necessity–money scrounged out of couches and car compartments to pay for groceries, because grocery money went to pay for emergency dental surgery. Moments from eviction, moments from  bankruptcy, moments from divorce.  There stands my too small for Costco sizes refrigerator, humming to itself, “Your life is blessed. Your life is blessed. Your life is blessed.”Â
It is in the trial, it is the mourning, it is in the lack that we look up and see how blessed we truly are. My entrepreneur husband is my best friend, the love of my life, and the only person I’d willingly choose to risk it all on. He’s held my hand in every fight, in every storm, in every heartbreak. Lost jobs, lost babies, lost dreams—he’s been there. And it’s because of him I believe in true love. You can wish for wealth and hope for riches, but when you meet someone who cam still make you laugh in the misery. . . well, you’ve found it all.
My refrigerator doesn’t lie: my life is blessed.Â
For the record, my child did just fine with the fridge. He raids it daily, and I suspect enjoys it far more than he ever would have the most beautiful  cherry wood known to the insatiable 12 year old. Now, if only I could get him to clean it.
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Well, I guess we will know we’ve made it when we can have a kitchen that will sport a shiny new double-wide sub-zero.
But, my guess is that when that fridge finally passes from this to the next life, you will mourn its loss in that it represents all that baby furniture that never was… a final trip to that time, that place, that space.
That fridge has followed us from Seattle to State College, to Dublin, to San Anselmo, and to Astoria. AND even more houses than that… two in State College and two in San Anselmo. It boggles my mind to think about it.
One would think that with all the moving around, *IT* would have given up on us a long, long time ago.
I think we’ve had our toaster longer. Then, I think our Espresso Machine is the next most long-lived appliance we have… both of which have been around far too long.
It doesn’t matter, really. I’m here with you. Here with G. Sub-Zero or not, my life is abundant with all that is important and I am happy.
Great reminder. It’s easy to focus on the lack. Not as easy to focus on what we already have. Easy to focus on the “what I don’t like” instead of on what works.
He must be quite a man for you to sacrifice cherry baby furniture for a backwards fridge. Someday, you will get the fridge of your dreams and the never-dying fridge can take its well-deserved retirement in the garage where it will happily hold all sorts of soda. SOme day.
Very nice post. One of my favorites, I think.
“Vintage” 1982 wallpaper? Next you’ll be telling me that you were country when country wasn’t cool. 😀
I come here to be reminded of the important things in life … and sometimes that means baby furniture stuffed with fresh produce.
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I was Country when Country wasn’t cool (Thank you Barbara Mandrell) and that made me very uncool. Ahem. ~Love, Kitty
I have a double wide and it’s a piece of crap. The shelves are too narrow for most things and it’s a pain to find anything in. Isn’t it funny/sad how we get our hearts set on stuff that we really don’t need? (and realize what’s actually important farther down the road) It’s that 20-20 hindsight.
Oh my, thank you for dipping into the well of your soul. I had to read this one to my husband of 26 years. I am reminded even more to thank him for being here with me. Many more happy years to you both. I may look at my refrigerator a little different now. 🙂
Hee hee… I was going to say what Margaret said. LOL!
And I loved the post. *sigh*
I think you will someday have the fridge of your dreams, and I hope it will be joyful for all that you’ve had to go through to get there! My mother kept the fridge they bought the year I was born, and it started making a strange noise, and instead of getting it fixed, she bought a newer model and has regretted it ever since. She’s on her 3 fridge in less years than the older one ran…sometimes it just pays to have the old crazy ones around…
this was just what I needed to read. thank you.
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Oh, I hope all is well! ~W