It was August. Warm and sultry, the night air so sweet. There were stars for miles. Some lunar calendar will probably say my memory lies, but I recall a moon bright enough to light our path. It was the kind of night I’ve craved ever since—warm enough to walk late into the night, late into the future, talking until it is no longer late, but early. Secrets told and kept and loved. And I can look back and see what should have been obvious: this night was the beginning of everything.
But it felt like such an ending. I remember standing there, clinging to you, my arms wrapped around my best friend. Underneath your down-filled coat I could feel your heart beating, never suspecting the cause. Running my fingers over and over the coarseness of the twill of your jacket—it’s a physical sensation that is embedded into my core. So soothing to hold you, to hear your heart, to trace figure eights in the texture of your clothing. Even then, I was seeking patterns I could recognize.
So we stood there for hours. Our faces turned up to see the sky—bright, bright and yet, the stars couldn’t outshine you, even in the dark. You were such a giant. So full of life and hope and boy were you dreaming that night. We stood there, hanging on to our childhoods. Holding back the change tomorrow held. To separate colleges, in different countries. We could not be going further from each other.
It was August, warm and sultry and tomorrow you were leaving for college. And then, then you changed my world forever. You kissed me.
I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect you. It wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t tender, it wasn’t hesitant, it was nothing I expected a kiss from you to be. Who was this man kissing me? No boy I knew. That kiss, that kiss was powerful. It ripped wide my expectations, it tore away all my preconceptions, and it told the truth even you didn’t want to admit. We were saying goodbye, but you’d been harboring a lot more than friendship. And judging from the state of my knees, you weren’t alone.
I wasn’t ready then to love you. But I couldn’t ignore the power of that kiss—and it would eat away at me until four months later it would occur to me, that glorious you were probably kissing other girls that way. The very thought made me jealous! I was always slow to figure things out.
I have to tell you—and yes, maybe I need to tell the world—nothing has changed. Baby, when you kiss me, I still feel like my world is being ripped wide open and exploding with potential. You believe in beauty and truth and all that is noble and when I kiss you, I believe it too.
I’m still weak in the knees at the very thought of you. At eighteen I didn’t know that you could fall so completely in love with your best friend. I couldn’t know that tracing patterns on your jacket, standing in the moonlight, counting stars would be the beginning. I couldn’t know that your kiss would set me on the path to my LIFE. But what I did know, was that you were a giant.
And baby, when you kiss me, you still are.
So for you. . . Happy Anniversary.
Someone tell me how I feel
It’s silly wrong but vivid right
Oh, kiss me like the final meal
Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight
Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Oh, anyway, it’s looking like a beautiful day
When my face is chamois-creased
If you think I’ll wink, I did
Laugh politely at repeats
Yeah, kiss me when my lips are thin
~~Elbow: One Day Like This.
The stars did shine brightly against that dark sky that faded into such a deep black.
All those bore witness that night to my truth – the truth that I shared with you – I was in love. A deep love, one that knew no end – much like that night sky.
The words had already been spoken. We were going our separate ways. I had tried and failed to capture your heart. Oh, but I wanted to.
And then, something sprang up in me – I couldn’t let you go – without one real kiss… the kiss of all I had wanted but was not to be.
Such a glorious kiss. And then it was over. And then, the night was over. And then, we were at college.
But that kiss lingered. I knew there was no hope. I knew I had to move on. I knew that time would heal even the deepest of chasms.
But, then I received your letter. And in that moment my life forever changed. Your letter telling me how you felt. You put your heart on the line with your words… such beautiful, wonderful words. My heart leaped and raced back to that kiss and then past that to our deep, abiding friendship, and then back again to that present moment…
Yes my love, of course, I am here. No my love, no one else matters. Yes my love it will be you I choose, has always been you I choose. I am yours. I will wait for you. I will come home to you. I will wait for your walk down that aisle to me. I will hold you forever. How could it be any other way? Yes, I do – I do with all my heart. With every last breath. I do. I do.
Wow. Just wow. Your love shines through in the post and in Jack’s response. Happy Anniversary–number 18? (or were you 18–or is it both?) I don’t need to tell you to enjoy each other, do I? (hee hee)
Happy Anniversary! What a brilliant love!
Happy Anniversary 🙂
Excuse me a moment, there’s something in my eye …
Hmmmm. Did my lovely fungi photo inspire this passionate piece of writing?
Happy anniversary to you and your IZ.
whew!
I feel like I just snuck in on something way past my bedtime 😉
Beautiful tribute… and Happy Anniversary.
You two are so beautiful!
Happy Anniversary 😀
Wow.
Happy Anniversary, you two.
You two are the brightest of stars…
Reading these love letters to each other has been a beautiful way to start my day (although, I must confess, a little wet in the eye area) I feel like I’ve been allowed to spy on something very sacred, and I am honored to share in the beauty that is your love…my heart is quite swollen with happiness…I hope you have an amazing anniversary.
I have a sneaking suspicion that you already are 😉
Whoa, get a room, you two! How lovely that your love continues to shine so brightly.
It’s nice that after all this time you two remember the same thing! Congratulations!!
Oooo, babee! Happy Anniversary! very nice…
Just lovely. You write beautifully. Also, makes me want to grab somebody and plant one on them!
Happy Anniversary! 🙂
Also? Your son is incredibly fortunate to have parents who obviously love each other so much.
That is beautiful.
Happy Anniversary!
Happy Anniversary to you both.
What a lovely post 🙂
*sniff*
oh you kids….
Who’s going to turn this into a screenplay??
Happy Anniversary!