You can see from the date, IZ was served this morning. He was none too pleased. As I wasn’t the recipient of this legal notice, I laughed a lot longer and harder over it at coffee. I suppose that’s not supportive of my parenting partner; however, IZ isn’t the first person in this family to find themselves in need of a lawyer. Boy Wonder was 4 when he first demanded something in writing.
“But, you can’t read!” I responded in dismay.
“Still, I’d like that in writing.”
“I suppose you’ll want my signature in blood next!” Needless to say, I didn’t do it. I’m not that cowed by this child, much.
The back-story to this particular document is that our child has a bad habit of running sick without telling us. Running: to the point of playing out in the chill with a cold when he is prone to infection instead of staying down and resting just days before we leave for vacation. Running: to the point of $400 emergency room visit just days before we leave for vacation—all because he neglected to tell anyone that he didn’t feel so well a few days previously. If you didn’t feel so badly for him, you might find it annoying. Or maybe I’m just a bad parent.
When he was small, he was enough of a hugger that getting a physical beat on him was easy. Occasionally, he’d run by you on the way outside and stop for a hug… when you got scorched from a little lovin’ you knew he wasn’t feeling so well. If that failed, he would eventually melt down in terror and grief and yeah, spike a fever the next day.
But at nearly 11, there is no stopping him when he is sick. And he’s learned not to say a word until he can no longer exist in his own denial. The last bout of infection, just two days before we left for vacation (why is it always just days before we leave for vacation???), we heard him sobbing uncontrollably downstairs in his chill zone. Here’s the thing, our child does not cry unless he’s miserable. The stoicism that allows him to run himself into the ground extends to his emotions.
Of course, one swipe of the thermometer told me what I already knew. He was fighting an infection and he needed meds ASAP. So, off to the emergency room we ran. I used the short car trip to inform this child, yet again, about the perils of ignoring self care. Which is why, 4 days later while on vacation, when he ended up with yet ANOTHER infection due to a lack of “self” care… I hit the roof. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? Why didn’t you tell someone ages ago that you were itchy?? For the love of all things holy, why didn’t you tell me this before we left for vacation????” Lecture I did.
Now, my child has figured out that when his mother snaps, which is not all that often, the best position is one of silence and agreement. If at all possible, sitting back and looking interested, nodding one’s head vigorously enough to cause a concussion is preferable. And so he does. He figures appease me, then trot off to do whatever he was going to do in the first place. I swear the child actually dozes off mid rant, I just can’t prove it. Teenagedom can’t be far away!
Evidently, he has decided that a few CYA measures are in order. I suspect the thought occurred to him right before he passed out during my last rant.
For the record, because obviously he gets his lawyering skills from me, this is not the first draft of his notice. No, that draft was missing a date and riddled with spelling mistakes which I promptly circled. As everything is a learning opportunity in these parts, I set him to looking up the proper spelling in his dictionary. He wrote out his spelling words several times each and then rewrote the notice with proper spelling and punctuation. If you’re going to produce legal documents, you should probably make sure they’re legible and dated.
Heaven help us if he discovers carbon paper.
I love it! He’s a boy after my own heart.
When I was around six years old and wanted my parents to buy me a ridiculously expensive something or other, I found a poem by Shel Silverstein about a little girl who died because she did not get the pony that she’d been asking for. I entered it as evidence in the case against my parents. Somehow, they won that one, but many more followed.
I see a bright future for this kid.
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If he lives that long… heh. I have no idea what he’ll end up doing, but I’m sure it will be interesting. And I’m sure he’ll continue to send us notes along the way. In the meantime, I keep the post-its hid. ~W
He is an original! I too would hide illness from my mom until I couldn’t possibly avoid it; she would make me stay home from school, and there was NO way I wanted that to happen. I loved school.
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He is. I think he’s just not very aware of his body until he is falling UNDER. ~W
Just think of the money you’ll save, I mean once he passes the bar.
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Jeeze… law school. 😀 ~W
Love this little one!
the subject of written notification came up last nite in our house. My DH just got this new very comfy chair and notified the junior members of the household that they must submit in writing thier request to use the chair….7 days in advance!
I’m staying out of this one…..
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Oh, good luck with that! And I don’t blame your husband one bit. ~W
I was sitting here trying to stifle a laugh and then it occurred to me that he can’t hear me.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
He’s hilarious and inventive … a dangerous combination. Lucky you 😀
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I know, he makes me laugh so hard. ~W
Is that hours, minutes, AND seconds on the time? He is hilarious!
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Yes, yes it is. He’s nothing if precise. Now, if we could just get him to clean his room. ~W
That is absolutely classic. You’ve got to save this in a scrapbook.
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We have a box of his stuff. And it is classic… he’s always leaving us funny notes. ~W
He’ll want that framed and on the wall when he hangs out his shingle on his own practice. So, what is the mysterious sickness this time? More of the same infection? Poor kid!
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You know, I’ve always thought he’d head for law school, but he shows no inclination for it—other than a natural bent for lawyering his parents. We shall see. ~W
Man, I was just the opposite of Margaret. I would inform my mother the minute that I felt “funny” because I LOVED staying home from school. My mother was a sucker for the “my throat is scratchy and I feel funny” line.
Boy Wonder is a laugh riot.
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Well, he can be! He keeps us hopping, that’s for sure. ~W
My parents used to let us take “rest” days when we got too down. We didn’t even need a scratchy throat, though I do remember once sleeping with ice on my body because I wanted to get sick before a test i wasn’t prepared for.
You’ve got a sweet, smart kid there.
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I think down days are great! However, with a homeschooler, it takes on a different look. And thanks, he has his moments. 😀 ~W
ROFL!!! Thanks for the laugh!
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You’re most welcome! ~W
Glad you circled and pointed to a dictionary! Hilarious!
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Of course! 😀 ~W
Does he get to grade your cursive?
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No. 😀 ~W
As the, er, um, “victim” – it was less funny in the moment to me than for everyone else. Sadly, when “served” I didn’t have much of a sense of humor about it. The Boy didn’t get in trouble or anything – I just didn’t handle it with any creativity. *sigh* At least I didn’t hold him in “contempt” (aka grounding) or anything like that. 😉
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Oh, he does know how to push your buttons!!! ~W
This KILLS me! Bravo, Boy Wonder!
I used to get the “big sick” at the worst times! I swear, it seemed like every October/ early November, (too early, no trick or treating – too late, no b-day party) I would get a high fever, Dr. appointment, full-on-antibiotic ear infection. Miserable!
Then, I would have to fake it big-time for important occasions (oh, say… tests…) when I wanted to be sick, but wasn’t. Oh, how I loved those sneaky days of feeling perfectly fine, watching the Price is Right in the morning. Sadly, I’d end up totally bored by the afternoon (no cable TV) and wish I were at school…
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Oh, yes, he’s quite the character. And I don’t remember ever faking sick, at least not as a child. As a grad student… all the time!! 😀 ~W