Ever had one of those days? It seems ironic that just last week I was talking about “two mocha days”. Because, I had no idea then that Sunday would register off the mocha scale. It was just that bad. If it could go wrong, it did. It was fiasco central here yesterday.
Life is fairly chaotic here lately. IZ has been managing his own work chaos. We hear him feverishly typing but we’re steering clear to make sure he has space to deal with client melt-down. And, it’s end of term for Boy Wonder and the last minute push to get it all done keeps us crazy busy. Not necessarily a bad thing, unless of course, you realize that you have missed on portfolio item altogether. Portfolio items need to be mailed in and while school ends on Wednesday and that’s theoretically enough time to do the work, it’s not enough time if you have to mail the portfolio on Monday. Which we do!
So, in a classic, “Stop the Presses” move, the boy and I sat down and did the project. We will now attempt to make up for lost time today. It’s all good. Really, it is. It doesn’t matter that the boy has to tape his speech today and he seems to be coming down with a case of Laryngitis. Oh my.
The Laryngitis is self-induced, which brings me to the mother of all disasters: the church dinner. You’ll have to trust me on all the gory details. I’ve rehashed them all with IZ so much that I’ve driven my self to distraction. The wrong kind, too! The basics are such:
- We attended a newcomers dinner at the local Episcopal Church last night.
- We thought it was a family deal, it wasn’t. It was an adult deal. They’d hired (somewhat insufficient help) one 15 year old girl to watch a passel of kids.
- Hell broke loose.
Half way through cocktail hour (I know what you’re thinking here: Church dinner and Cocktail Hour does not compute. One word: Episcopalians. You on board now?) Boy Wonder comes rushing in, with tears streaming down his face,visibly shaking, and announces, “We have to get out of this place, NOW!”
Joy, joy. He then proceeds to explain through his sobs that he felt “threatened”, “held against his will”, “in danger”, and that he had “no other choice but the bust out of there.” He actually described his “ordeal” as “torture and HELL” and he just had to “escape.”
Now, before you panic, my child has inherited my gift of hyperbole. He’s no stranger to the dramatic. But I should also admit, the tears are not all that common any longer. He used to melt-down like that. But he was 5 and 7. Not 10. No, 10 has brought with it a sort of calmness in the storm. Now, when he gets angry or upset, he lawyers us. It’s exasperating and it rarely devolves into tears.
When I finally got to the bottom of it all, it turns out that the room the kids were being “held” in was rather small. Too small for such a group of kids. And the 15 year old, refused to let Boy Wonder leave to come find us after telling him he wasn’t going to get dinner. Uh, low blood sugar and small space= bad reaction! According to Boy Wonder (and the 15 year old collaborates this.) he attempted valiantly to persuade her with words. But she refused him out of hand and was snarky in the process. Then, when he attempted to leave, she physically restrained him and dragged him across the room and barricaded the door with her body and another child. GREAT!!
Now, my kid was NO angel in this. He yelled at the top of his lungs to the point of losing his voice. That’s easy for him to do, it doesn’t take long in his case, but just the same his yelling caused another child to start to cry. And this babysitter chose to escalate the situation every chance she got.
I know, I told you no gory details. I lied! Man, this is a long post—feel free to skim! What I found fascinating, is that she felt she had every right to physically engage him. She’s a size zero, wears pants smaller than my kid, and my child is trained in Taekwon Do. Oh my. Fortunately, it didn’t get to that point. He managed to ram his way past her and out the door. On his journey to find us, she left all the other kids in the room alone and proceeded to follow him around stepping on the backs of his shoes attempting to trip him up. And when asked, she felt he owed her an apology.
As he relayed the story he quoted the Taekwon Do principle that he should act in honor. He explained how he looked for non-violent ways to solve his problem and was apologetic for ramming her and pulling her hair. But every time he was asked,”Couldn’t you have just waited until I came and checked on you?” He would begin to shake and cry in the re-tellng, “Mom, I was being held against my will. She made the place dangerous.” He wouldn’t back down from that.
Was he in danger? Probably not. More likely he had a panic attack under the supervision of a 15 year old on an obvious power trip! But I don’t deny he thought he was in danger. That part was very real. Irrational, but real. In retrospect, he can see why she was compelled to keep him in (for the record, she was motivated not to keep him safe but by not getting in trouble. SOME MORON told her that she wasn’t supposed to have the kids bother the adults!). She, on the other hand, could see no problem with her behavior. Boy Wonder wasn’t the only irrational child last night!
As I told him, I’d rather he trust his instincts and be wrong. I’m willing to clean up the chaos in the end, it’s part of being his mother. Somewhere along the line, though, I did ask him, “Didn’t it ever occur to you to just ask to go to the bathroom? You know, like a diversion tactic?” He laughed, slapped his head and said, “Oh, Mom, I did panic! I should have thought of that! That would have been perfect and it would have worked, too!” Then he melted down in laughter.
Obviously, the peonies have nothing to do with this. However, I think they add a bit of calm to this otherwise chaotic event! For me, this lone peony from my garden has been a nice distraction. A diversion tactic as I face the swirling chaos of the week. I’d say it bloomed at just the right time.
Now, I’m off to mail our Portfolio!! And then to tape a very froggy Boy Wonder speech about how to make paper boxes. Which, may or may not be appearing on a YouTube near you. And then write a much promised email to Miz S on my thoughts about rearing children and religion. You can imagine, I have an opinion about that subject right about now.
I had something very similar happen to me when I was a kid. I’m glad the Boy Wonder tried to reason with her and used force as a LAST RESORT. Poor thing was probably so scared. I’m glad he’s ok now, and that he can think back on this and learn not just to trust his instincts but how to control the emotions behind them. (Sorry, I just try to find a lesson in everything it seems…) Give him a hug for me.
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Oh, there were lots of lessons learned last night, so I’m right there with you! He was more frightened than I’ve seen him in a long time. And I think you’re right on here, he is learning to control those emotions. It’s progress, because a few years ago I think he would have taken a real swing at her! (oh, and that girl was so smug!!) I will give him a hug. ~W
I see an assistant principalship in that girl’s future!
Next time maybe you can leave a cell phone with Boy Wonder so he call you for backup. But bravo for working through the lesson with him…it sounds like he’s growing up in a big way.
So…are you going to go back to the Episcopalians?
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I’m Methodist, so going to the Episcopalians is a half-step. We’re not super involved there, but that seems to be OK with them.
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And, the cell phone. Interesting thing to bring up. We don’t have one. But, when all the chaos was finished and the boy was grooving toward bedtime, he conveniently pointed out that this would be an excellent reason to have one. Of course, BW has been lobbying for a cell phone since he was 7. I’ve never seen the need for one in the past, but we’re seriously working on fixing this ASAP. He’s reached an age where he spends more and more time away from home and the ability to reach us in an emergency needs to be addressed. So, excellent suggestion. ~W
I have these super Mama Bear instincts so I wouldn’t have been as calm as you. I’d have been one P.O.d mom ready to bash in the 15 y-o. I’m not patient enough to get both sides and be rational and all that. Good for you, though, for being so.
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Oh, I was only calm on the outside. I literally soaked my t-shirt in sweat. But, my kiddo is really dramatic. And while I knew that something had gone wrong, terribly wrong, I also know that when he is in that state his perception of reality is going to be skewed. I wanted to hear for myself and to watch the young lady represent the “facts”–if only to be able to have an informed conversation with my kid later. What I found to be true, is that she was overwhelmed with the responsibility and had a little power trip going. While I don’t approve of how she handled it, it had to be intimidating to give account to a three parents and the minister. The kid was quaking in her boots. ~W
Well, I already heard the short version of this from you, so I’m only going to repeat what I said in my email which was that the church needs a new babysitter.
The peony pictures are really beautiful.
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In listening to him process what happened, he kept referencing her age. I guess she held it over him, but what it says to me is that he needs to be supervised by someone he respects and trusts. I think the age difference between them wasn’t sufficient enough for him to view her as an authority—and my guess is, she’s never met a kid like BW who would challenge her like that. Why it was so darned important to keep him locked in, is beyond me. But that falls on the adult who set up the program.
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In weird way, I think the basic issue I have is from a Welcoming perspective. If I hadn’t been involved with this church for some time now, I don’t think I’d go back. Not because my kid had a problem, but because they thought it appropriate to welcome adults into the church and not the kids. It’s never really OK in my book, for an institution like the church to exclude. But now, I’m going to start preaching about the intergenerational deficit so prevalent in mainline congregations. That would be bad.Â
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Oh, and Vicki… I hope you’re paying attention to this. Because it starts to answer your questions about why I’m not getting ordained!
Oh, Wende, what a disaster! At least after it was all over he was able to laugh at the bathroom suggestion. It sounds like things are quite crazy now, but it also sounds like the craziness will come to an end soon due to deadlines. I wish you some tranquility after the storm. By the way, I didn’t bat an eye at the church cocktail hour – have you ever been to a Catholic celebration? We know how to get our drink on!
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Things are nuts. Or were, we’re almost done and all the major stuff is finished. And yes, it was an absolute fiasco. Compounded with the fact that I ran that conversation in the end like I was the person in charge. It became very clear when I stated my issues, that it was going to be up to me to address it. Evidently, Seminary training comes in handy here. OOF!! ~W
The poor kid. Well it sounds like if another situation ever arises, he’ll be sure to ask to use the bathroom 🙂 Glad to hear everything is calming down 🙂 Stress can really do an number on you!
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It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I’m certainly ready for summer break! ~W
Oh man, poor kid! I hope he remembers the bathroom trick if there’s ever a next time! 🙂 Sooooo, I’m guessing you won’t be becoming members of that church, eh? We used to drive down to Seaside to go to church when we were in Astoria. Most of the churches in Astoria were either a denomination we weren’t part of, or full of very old (very cute) people. We needed something else. Good luck finding a good one! 🙂 And congrats to BW for not having to get violent on that 15 yr old!
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It was an ordeal and I’m glad to be past it. I think I’m just now recovered. 😀 ~W
Oh my! I love that child of yours. I am sooo like him. if I don’t like the scenario, I am uncomfortable, then I am outta there. The good thing is he has good instincts. The really good thing also, is that you know that if in a really really serious situation, his instincts will kick in and he will get out. Oh yes… Sadira and I.. Well, I thought the gifts would be great.. hee heee….
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He is a character, really. As for you and Miss Sadie, that’s a hoot! ~W
Oh my! You are such a wonderful writer…you always have me laughing, even amidst the chaos and torture BW went through…and yes that peony is so sweet and peaceful. I’m hoping for a blossom on mine this year.
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Thank you! I’m glad you were laughing. I sometimes wonder if people who know me in person hear the humor in my writing more than those who don’t? Because, sometimes jokes are in the tonality. I actually read the piece out-loud to IZ and we cracked up through it. I hope you get a peony or two this year. ~W
See…this is why I don’t go to church (ok, just kidding) I’m so glad he is learning to trust his instincts and that you guys seem to be able to talk this out. I feel really weird saying that because it seems so very natural to know your child this well…but, I am frequently amazed at most parents I know who just take sides without really listening and talking…Yay for both of you!
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I’m all for taking my kid’s “part”—in that I’ll be the voice that advocates for him and his perspective. However, there are always two sides to every story. It’s worth it iff only to help him think through the consequences so we learn something, you know? ~W
15 year old on power trip + 10 year old made irrational by said teen = nuclear meltdown. “Icky Vicky” got poor Timmy Turner, er, uh, Boy Wonder… I’m sure he was wondering WHERE THE HELL his fairly oddparents were… and why they hadn’t yet appeared to turn her into a frog…
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Yeah, she definitely abused the power given. I’m glad it’s over. ~W
Ya know… Boy Wonder did his best in a situation where he felt uncomfortable. I respect that.
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I think so too. He certainly tried to resolve it. ~W
WOW! I’m really impressed at how calm you were able to appear, though you claim you were not calm. What a horrible experience! I certainly would not have been calm. I’m sure I would have alienated quite a few people! I don’t look forward to dealing with these types of potential issues.
However, meanwhile, the peonies are lovely! ~A 🙂
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Well, while it hasn’t happened in a long time, I had quite a bit of experience dealing with these melt-downs and the consequences in his early years. You really do get to a point where you can navigate with a bit of skill. And, I do get frustrated, I just wait until I get home to vent it all. ~W