Your kindergarten teacher has called us in to discuss, amongst other things, her concern over your insistence that you have Super Powers. She informs us that you believe you can see in the dark. That you claim to have cat eyes that magically imbue you with the ability to see better in the dark than the average mortal. I swallow a grin. Your father looks at me with that “I told you this would come back to haunt you†look of his he reserves for when my parenting style rounds back to bite us.
“It seems that your son has a fantastical sense of self and frankly this concerns me,†she begins. “In fact, he seems to believe that you share his gift as well!†she concludes, eying me.
I don’t like your teacher. She is shrill—prone to exaggeration and hysteria. And I certainly don’t approve of any teacher who thinks having a fantastical sense of self is a deficit. How anyone could see your best asset as a deficit is beyond me—not viewable with see-in-the-dark eyes!
I fight back my urge to laugh, “That would be entirely my fault. You see, when he was quite young (as if you are ancient now!) I thought it would be fun if we had Super Powers. So I did a little inventing—call it whimsy! Perhaps it was misguided, but in general, I think our son is as grounded as most five year olds can be,†I explain. She is not amused. Your father is torn between feeling outraged at being dragged to yet another pointless parent-teacher conference and being chagrined that my whimsy has become the topic of yet another pointless parent-teacher conference. I can’t help but wonder, what’s the harm? Give me some credit as a parent—it’s not like I told you that you could fly. This falls into the same category for me as Santa or the Leprechaun who visits us every year.
Even now you are beginning to suspect something is up. It is only a matter of time before you “know†the “truth†about dear old St. Nick. Only a matter of time until you voice the question, “If I stop believing in Santa does that mean I don’t get presents?†(Yes, I will answer, with a twinkle in my eye!) But until then, I am committed to keeping what’s left of the specter of childhood alive and well for you. There is something about that naiveté I want you to be able to embody well enough that you will remember it when it is long gone. Hence the Super Powers.
The question that haunts me is, “What’s the harm in believing in something despite the fact you know it might not be true?†For, the moment is coming when you no longer believe in Santa. When you know, despite your assertions to the contrary, that you can’t see in the dark any better than the average 9 year old. What will happen then? Will you stop believing just because you can no longer label it “truth?â€
Will head win out over heart?
And what happens when the questions of “truth†are larger and more is at stake? Can you hold in tension the faith of your childhood with the knowledge that comes with being a critically thinking adult? This is what I want you to know and understand. To know so well it is a part of your very person-hood. To have felt that belief in the core of your being; so that despite your learning and knowledge you still have footing for faith. It will be a new kind of naiveté, that takes into account all that you know to be true and yet still makes room for the magical, the whimsy, the mystery. For God is both immanent and transcendent. And to know God is to seek God with all that you are—your mind, your body, and your heart. Believing and knowing can co-exist, they need not be mutually exclusive. You can claim the truth of what cannot be claimed as “truthâ€â€”it just requires a little faith.
I know I cannot spare you the questions nor the pain of living within the ambiguity. I can only assure you that as you try to live into the paradox of faith that God will indeed meet you there. That between faith and knowledge, belief and truth, God is present. I look forward to the day that you look at me and say, “Remember when we used to believe that we had Super Powers?â€
“Yes,†I will answer you, “ I still believe!â€
I remember this. What you have written speaks truth to me now as it did then, though what I take away from it is somewhat different today than it was then. I love pieces like this and I’m glad you are willing to share them again. Faith vs. knowledge is a tough subject – and finding a good way to walk that path is so difficult. Thank you for reminding me that God is present between faith and knowledge.
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You’ve been a good editor, all these years. I suppose it’s time I hunt for an editor who will forward my work—but you can keep the job if you know a good publisher. Heh. (and thanks!) ~W
Profoundly beautiful!
The cherry on top, for a certain old Lutheran, is that God is the giver of our faith and that He rekindles and increases it.
P. S. Thank you for pointing out the proper nationality of Feist, the Canadian. She just seems so French to me. She reminds me of Jane Birkin, who I also enjoy. Et toi?
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It’s funny, that piece was written in 2004 and was to be published. However it fell through. Re-reading it, I was struck that in the years since, my imagery and language for “God” has moved even further “left” and become even more “process.” However, swapping out the language and using “Universe” didn’t work for the piece, so I left it. I cringe though! 😀
As for Feist, I can see the resemblance to Jane Birkin–at least in tonality, not to mention physicality. I suspect the years she lived in France have shaped her some—and she’s certainly popular there. They adore her! In a way, I suppose Leslie is a GenX version of Birkin. I’m not a fan of Birkin (my French is too limited to really enjoy) and my musical tastes are classic GenX. ( I feel like I should adore her, since she’s collaborated with everyone—including those lovely boys of Franz Ferdinand!) These days, the Arts and Crafts label is putting out some amazing indie artists that are worth a listen. I’m no fan of Amazon, but Feist’s new CD will be released to the US on Tuesday for a whopping $8–assuming you’re old school and haven’t downloaded it off her site already! ~W
You have tied all this together beautifully, and given us a lovely glimpse of BW AND you. I had deep conversations with 5 year old Ashley—who is still very much into that. I don’t think she would have bought into the superpowers though. Alison would have enjoyed the imagining; she loved imagining all sorts of stories when we would play dolls.
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Thank you! And our super powers are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to whimsy in this house. I’ve never been a literalist. ~W
I like the way you trace the progression through developmental stages that goes along with fantasy, knowledge, faith. Have you read Bryson’s book, “A Short History of Nearly Everything”? It’s his “journey into the most intriguing and intractable questions that science seeks to answer.” It’s a great read because it takes the reader down this same path: here are the wonders of science, here are the explanations, try to understand them and then, voila! stand back and shake your head at the miracle!
This is a beautiful piece, Wende. You DO need to find a home for it with a wider readership.
Now- we pay for music. That’s one thing. Because musicians need to eat so they can break free of their aging boomer parents.
And, I take it you haven’t broken it to BW that he does indeed have a touch sensor on the inside.
I smiled at that post because with two, I had one who had the logistical genius of a rocket science and a National Chess Federation ranking at age seven; the other was pounding on the piano and his knowledge of physiology extended to his “taste bugs.” Funny how the DNA falls. Actually, it’s sort of a miracle.
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Adore Bill Bryson! I “should” find a wider audience. But, that “should” presupposes ambition which I’m genetically lacking.
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I’m Ok with only having one, as the one I have runs me to the ends. But, I think the one thing I miss, besides the possibility of a gaggle of grandbabies, is being able to watch the genetics in play. In this regard, I completely envy Babette… (no, no, not advocating having a passel as an experiment!) I just marvel at large families and how it all gets dealt out. The families that have kids who are all obvious siblings–and then families like mine, where my younger brother and I are polar opposites on all sides. It’s facinating, really. On so many fronts, this child is his father… and I’ve always wondered what more of me would look like. And then, I get over myself and realize I’m just fine.
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And no, I didn’t tell him anything about the anatomy. In part, because being the child he is, he often makes up his own specifications for things and trying to “correct” him is pointless. Eventually, someone he admires will set him straight. Or a book. Certainly not his mother who doesn’t know much “about these things”. Heh. Until then, I let him wander through. We only argue about word usage if we have an “SA” in front of us! 😀 ~W
Both beautiful and poetic…I was so sad when I didn’t “get” to believe in Santa anymore…and now my gorgous 10 year-old niece still narrows her eyes when she asks me about Santa (because she’s seeing how long I’m going to hold out…I just KNOW it) But, I’m going to hold out forever…I like believing in the magic of the world…and being able to see in the dark…and fly in the clouds…
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I think the jig is up with the boy, too. However, when he starts pressing me with questions, I ask him if he wants me to spill and he always answers, “No, let’s not spoil the fun.” I say, hold out as long as you can with your niece. Nothing says that because you “know” something you can’t also “believe”. 😀 ~W
Psst, You are a Winner!
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Oh! Yipeee!!! 😀 ~W
Unbelievably sweet and poignant. My daughter’s Waldorf Kindergarten teacher would have loved you. At our house, it is Fairies, Leprechauns, Saint Nick, Grass elves and Mother Rosemary who have been known to leave us timely surprises and treasures. I think my daughter is starting to grasp that it’s me making the magic, but she is too wise to put a stop to it!
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Oh, smart cookies, your girl! There is something to continuing even though your awareness has changed. Power in tradition, I think! : D~W
With a K teacher like that, no wonder you ended up homeschooling. I love children’s sense of the imaginary–it is truly a magical phase of life. And I love how you use it here to make a bigger point about faith and spirituality. Even though I had to look up “immanent” because I am a dumb ass.
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Kindergarten was hell. The stories I can tell. It culminated with a trip to a prominent child psychologist (at the school’s pressuring for testing–we refused to let him be evaluated by just anyone) who took one look at our child and said, “I deal with troubled youth and children with pathologies every day–your child isn’t one of them.” And then he looked at my child and said, “I understand that you’ve been giving your teachers a run for their money because you’re smarter than they are. You need to stop this! I don’t want to hear of you doing this any more and your parents can call me whenever they need to!”Â
As for “dumb ass”… hardly. Nobody but stuffy academics use those phrases in real life. Stuffy academics and pretentious Seminary students! If memory serves, that was not the original phrase in this piece. However, because it was originally a piece I submitted for a psych course in Seminary, I changed my phrasing a wee bit… worried that my writing didn’t have the “academic” appeal it needed. In fact, that’s been the charge against me from the beginning. “You’re so approachable” was code for, “You don’t use big enough words” which was, in turn, code for “You’re out of your league here.” I’ve always regretted my choice of graduate school and program, because they were more intent on using those words than really making meaning. Anyhow, I’ve always thought the substitution in phrasing was a huge cop-out on my part. Which would make me the dumb ass! (and at this point, Vicki will be making copious notes about my mental health!) ~W
Gorgeous. That K teacher was a provincial shrew. And I wonder why so many of Puck’s acquaintances seem not to have imagination.
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I had a permanent ache in my stomach for a year. What she did to our child in that year was absolutely appalling. And when he was no longer in her class the next year, (he was the ONLY child who did not loop with her to 1st grade) she found a new target and proceeded to reign hell down in that family’s life.
We once bumped into her at a Costco, a few years later—she was all pleasant and sweet and I stood there aghast that she could be so nonchalant about what happened. ~W
Ouch. A kindergarten teacher with no sense of imagination, now that’s a pity!
Very poetic post. Never lose your sense of child-like enthusiasm, those are indeed super powers! 😉
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I’m trying, I’m trying! 😀 ~W
Moving words – I love it when you post like this. You seem to have nurtured the same sense of wonder and magic in your son that my father was so determined to foster in his children. It’s quite touching. Poo to that teacher, and thanks for doing such a wonderful parenting job – we all benefit from that.
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Thank you, Susan. Magic and wonder are hard to come by in our world, eh? So, we work at it! 😀 ~W
You have won!!! I am thrilled to say! Come see me!
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Oh! Yippee!! ~W
This was the first Christmas that my girls absolutely KNEW about Santa….Yea, I know they’re old enough, and they knew before, but…..so, anyway, it wasn’t as fun. I guess growing up isn’t fun all the time, but keeping our super powers is just one way to keep life magical! 🙂 Of course, one of my super powers is communicating with the squirrels and birds. And my dear husband truly thinks the cardinals and chickadees are really answering him. These are the things that keep life down here on earth WONDERful. 🙂 Thank you for the magical story. It made my morning, since one of my friends just left for Kodiak….sadness.
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Oh, I’m so sorry about your friend leaving. That does make it difficult! ~W
You DO homeschool! Let’s compare notes!
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I do! Kinda… I’m working on an email that should be in your inbox once you get home from visiting your sweet grandbaby. ~W
I’m so completely outraged at the teacher in this story! Fantasy and imagination are so important. We’re all in such a hurry to make sure our kids can do numbers and know facts–what happens when they all grow up and have no imagination? No new inventions, no new solutions, no leaps across the mental abyss that create new ideas, new advances.
Hmph. *This* is why I homeschool, dangit!
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It certainly is a reason to homeschool! This is our second year of “homeschooling” and we’re loving it! ~W