Ok, so I have this cold that is lingering. As part of my torture, I find myself sneezing. Often. Lots of sneezing.
Now, I’m not one of those delicate sneezers. Heh.. sneezers. Say that out loud—see! It’s funny. Wait, where was I?
Oh, yeah, I sneeze like an Ox. How do Oxen sneeze, you ask? LOUDLY. Mouth wide open, inhale, exhale. Make more noise than necessary—a sneeze, after all, serves several purposes. One is to spread the joy around. Hey, if I’m sick, you’re sick. It’s a rule. Another purpose of said sneeze is to elicit some sympathy from you. So, while you’re feeling oh-so-sorry for me, I’m spreading my germy wealth because I’m generous like that.
You should also know, that presently, my dog is gaseous. Said dog is sitting right next to me passing wind in what can only be described as a purposeful assault. She’s fart-o-matic. I’m not sure why she’s getting even, but as everything is about me, let’s assume that she’s aiming my direction on purpose. This windedness of hers is making it considerably more difficult than usual to breathe. So one must remember to only breathe through one’s nose–which is difficult with a cold.
You can see where this is going, right? Because, eventually Ms. Gas Bomb is going to let one go right as I’m sneezing my brains out of my mouth. And, just as I take a big gulp in to let another sneeze come bursting forth–I get a mouthful of it.
Ach-eww.
ooo. mom had the sneezing cold going on last week. she hated that. she sneezes rather delicately, though, whereaa i inherited the sneezing gene from my papa and sound like a freight train passing.
i’m sorry you’re sick. as for your dog farting – that’s just funny. i don’t feel bad for you or anything. it’s just funny. light a candle or something. or move. that’s always a good ideal. just thinking of you, m’dear. 😉
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What? No tea and sympathy? ~W
I feel your pain – or rather smell it. Sadly, moving will just bring the stench-o-matic with us. Too bad they don’t sell Costco sizes of Febreeze…
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Like I needed another excuse to stock up on Slatkin candles. 😀 ~W
We had a gassy dog once, and the smell was vile. He could clear not just a room, but a house!
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I call her Stinky Sophie. And presently, she’s stinking up my sofa. ~W
Ew! Dog gas is the absolute worst.
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Agreed! Good thing she’s cute! 😀 ~W
Awe 🙁 I feel your pain on the sneezin’ like an ox thing…I’ve got the same problem…it’s like one big production for a little sneeze *chuckle*
The dog gas…I don’t envy you one little bit as that is some stinky stuff. If my birds fart I’m none the wiser lol!
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I snort when I laugh, too. Let’s just say, dainty isn’t an adjective used to describe me. Ever. 🙂 Do birds fart? ~W
Oreo says you are definately right, that is exactly what your dog is going to do. Uh oh! There are few things as foul as doggy farts.