Lost
There are moments in everyone’s life that can only be described as major fuck-ups. There is little doubt that yesterday will go down in my personal history as just such a day.
Actually, the fuck-up part started a week ago when I thought I had mis-placed my wedding rings somewhere on my desk. But, figuring the state of my desk, I also figured that they would turn up on the weekend when I had a chance to clean. Yesterday was cleaning day. No deal. So, what I thought was simply playing a little game of hide and seek is, for all I know, really GONE. I tore the house apart, not just my desk. Nothing. I reorganized all the little compartments in my desk. Still nothing. IZ hunted on his hands and knees with a flash-light. Gone.
Then I sat down and cried. Trust me, there is nothing you can say that I haven’t already said to myself. I feel sick… like I killed something. IZ did his best to be supportive… which, considering he gave the rings to me, felt like another course of heaping damnation. It’s not like they can be easily replaced. Or that they should be.
In a way, something has died. I guess I get to grieve. I know, just a ring, right? But it isn’t. And it’s not made easier by the fact that I’m the responsible party… or in this case the irresponsible party. Like I said… big fuck-up.
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Update:
After many tears and weeks of searching… what was lost is now found. For all of you sending out good vibes, karma, and prayer… thank you VERY much. When the small child was told his response was classic:
“Well, Good. The miracle I prayed for you came true. I told God that if you didn’t get it back I was going to be really angry! Now, I’m in the middle of my video game…” Whew.
